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“It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.”

“Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.”

“Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.”

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”

“The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!”

“Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?”

“Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.”

“Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.”

“Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.”